Friday, September 18, 2020

Finding purpose when you have a disability



Here we go again! When I filed for social security disability, it was recommended to me that I not blog. In fact, it was recommended that I have no public social media at all. The thought is that if I'm getting out of bed in the morning, I must not be disabled. Anyone who has been in touch with me for the past year knows that this couldn't be farther from the truth.

I'm here at home today, recovering from wrist fusion surgery on a dreary day, feeling sorry for myself. I'm feeling that there is nothing that I can go out and do without pain, both from my surgery and my arthritis. I have family occasions to look forward to, but how much fun will they be if I hurt to much to join in family reindeer games (my husband's family is big on the reindeer games!) and I don't want to be the person there who can't do the thing that everyone else is doing. It would be great to get together with my friends, but I can't drive now and, if I could, would I be able to be comfortable? In my mind, they would have more fun if I wasn't there.


I know that there are some people who see my time off of work at a vacation. It't not. I am constantly working to try to make my pain feel better or get my mental health under better control. It's a constant battle. Today, what I realize that I need is a sense of purpose. That's what work gave me. I am good at my job and know that I made a valuable contribution.

So, I'm going to blog again. It's a reasonably short time commitment. I'm currently typing with my right arm in a full splint, so it's taken a long time. For some reason, every time I want to type an apostrophe with this big hand, a semi-colon happens instead. Every. Single. Time. This isn;t (see...I am gonna leave that one so you can see that it's true) easy for me, but if I can reach someone who is going through the same thing, I will have a purpose.



I'm curious to hear from other folks with similar struggles. How do you find your purpose? Tell me in the comments or send me a DM.


 

2 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh so happy to read this. I filed for SSD in February and I hate that I feel useless and trying to explain to people everything on my plate with Psoriasis and Psoriatic arthritis is just exhausting. If you're having a good week you feel unworthy bad weeks just dealing with it all. I try to just do my best to stay positive and its good to know someone else is going through it too!!!

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    Replies
    1. Hey Lisa! I'm sorry to hear that you can relate to this. It sucks, right? I know that work is not the only way that I can make a contribution but I think we are trained to feel that way. Hang in there and know that you matter!!

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